Depression Can Happen

"Wherever you go, go with all of your heart".  I know that we all struggle from time to time with our battles, and a lot of times giving up may cross your mind.  But I am here to tell you that you matter and that the world is much better with you here.  You are important to more people than you think.  Just because you may not be in a certain point in your life, does not mean that it has lost it's value.  Often times we take time for granted and just assume that we have plenty of it left.  However we never know when our time is up, so why not make the most of what you have left?  I know that it is a struggle and I know that we all face giants that others may not, but PLEASE know that whatever battle you are facing, you have the power to overcome it.  Face it one step at a time and keep shining on.  You have the qualities that this world needs and you have the spark that someone in this world needs.  You have the words that someone needs to hear, you have the heart that s

Ah blind spots....  I guess you can tell where this post is headed huh?  How many times have you been driving down the road and were about to switch lanes only to realize that someone was next to you.  You couldn't see them because they were in your blind spot.  Many times we walk through life with our own blinders on.  We automatically put them on when we are in a state of depression or anxiety.  We tend to forget what is around us and focus solely on the negative that is in front of us.  There is a whole world going on around us but all that we can see if what is in front of us.  We set ourselves up for defeat not knowing the hope and goodness around us.  When we focus on the negative that we see, we tend to forget that the world is not linear.  We have infinite possibilities in this life and we walk a path that leads to self doubt and destruction.  Why not try to take those blinders off and see the world for what it can be, it can be full of hope and happiness.  I forget to tak

Have you ever watched a show that has shown a ship wreck?  I think that the most common ship wreck that is shown would be the titanic.  At the time, the titanic was the biggest ship to set sail and no one thought that it would sink. But it did just that, it sunk.  The structural integrity of the ship was compromised and as a result the largest ship (at the time) met a fateful exit.  Now we have the ability to go down and search the ruins of all of the ship wrecks that have occurred over the many many years.  Everyone seems to think that the larger the better, but as we have seen a lot of times it is the small and courageous that persevere.  However when you look at a harbor, it is the small tug boats bringing in the bigger ships because those tug boats can navigate through the harbor better than the larger ships.  I give you this boring lessons on ships to prove a point.  Yes a lot of times we feel that our tiny mentality cannot amount to anything, but in the end you can overcome anyt

*Insert multiple quotes from the movie The Mask*...   Have you gone around lately wearing a mask that hides how you really feel?  Many times we can go around and tell people that we are fine, but deep down you know that you are anything but fine.  Most of the time we are actually battling something that may seem impossible to overcome at the time.  Often times I find myself saying that I am fine because I don't want to dredge up what I am feeling and I just honestly want to be left alone with my emotions.  I know that may sound childish, but sometimes our child wins *shrugs*.  A lot of times we can put on a different "mask" for how we feel, or how we want the world to see how we feel.  We often times have to act like we are doing well to keep up the appearance for others around us.  However hiding that emotion is only hurting you more than helping.  Yes we can hide behind a mask that we create, but in the end you will never grow from wearing that mask.  We will only b

Today I had the experience with meeting someone who was not in the greatest of situations. They were telling me all of the events that have lead them to the point where they are now and how they just gave up. I was asking some questions and we were able to talk a little more in depth and we were able to have a candid conversation. However at the end of our conversation I was told by the individual that they are still blessed. After all of the situations that lead that person to me and all of the hardships, they still said they were blessed. That struck me because here I am thinking about the troubles that I face on a daily basis and here is a person who is in a far worse situation and are still smiling and are saying how much they have in this life. A lot of times I forget just how lucky I really am in life. I have family and friends who care for me and I have a roof over my head. Those blessing I tend to take for granted because they have always been there. But we can also learn that

Ah your best...  Here comes the cliche post about do your best!  I could have titled this "Hang in There" and put up that uplifting poster of the cat dangling from a tree branch like we had in elementary school...  You know what I am talking about.  Many times I doubt that my best will be good enough.  I often times fear that if I am not good enough, what will happen?  What happens if I fail?  Recently I have been battling if I am good enough for certain things, really that comes with the territory of it all but still.  My battle is one of self confidence and that stems from the feeling that my best is not the best.  I always strive to give my best in every situation that I face, but still in the back of my mind, I always feel like I come up short.  Most times this feeling is false, but it is those times that I have fallen that forever plague my mind.  The doubt creeps in and steals from me what I know my best will accomplish.  I try to put on a brave face and keep trying bu

"Into each life some rain must fall" ~ Aetherian.  I heard this in a song and it inspired me to write this post.  Have you ever looked at your life and have felt that it is just falling apart and nothing seems to be going in the right direction for you?  Have you felt that you have been stuck out in the rain for quite some time now?  Often times I feel myself feel like I am in the rain and that the sun will never break through.  There will be things in life that we cannot control and those events or things will bring the rains.  Yes those times will and can lead us down some trying times, however those trying times are there to help you prepare for a brighter future.  We often times cannot see past what we are currently going through in life, we lose sight of who we are and who we want to become.  We have to look at the rain as a platform to success.  Let's think about that for a second, you may be wondering if I am crazy for saying that, but what comes from the rain?  Y

Many times I let events of my past get in the way of my future.  I harbor those failings and instead of growing from them, I cower.  I often times go into a situation already feeling defeated because that is what I think I am used to doing.  I tend to already defeat myself before I even enter the race.  How many times have you done this?  Is it often?  Why do we let the ghosts of our past influence us today?  Why do we take solace in them and think that they can change our future??  They tend to hold us back more than help grow us into happier individuals.  Don't always fall back on the ghosts thinking they will keep you up, because in the end they are nothing and you will continue to fall down.  You can look back on your past and either grow from it or continue down the same road you are now.  I don't know about you but for me, I would like to deviate from that road and start a new road because the past hurts that I carry often times stand in the way of me becoming who I want

Have you ever felt like you have put yourself in this box that you can't get out of?  When you were a kid did you ever sit in a box?  Did you ever close the box or was that just me...  Might just have been me, maybe that is where some of this started..  Anyway, when you close the top of the box, your world is encased in darkness.  You obviously cannot see anything past your current situation.  All that you know at that current time is the darkness in which you sit.  However the good news is that you can always break free from that box you have put yourself in.  Often times I find myself in a box in which I have created.  I tend to just put myself in the dark because I feel like that is where I belong, I feel that I am not good enough for people.  For example when I go to the gym sometimes I feel as if people look at me like I am the weirdo.  I have to admit this is certainly a flaw of mine but it is my cross to carry none the less (hey we all take up a cross at some point). I ofte

Imagine running into a battle being naked....  Well some people would run from you (they would certainly run from me 😅), but you would be helpless to fight the enemy.  Sounds crazy right?  But do we not do that everyday when we are faced with our own battles?  Do we not go into something naked and afraid, only to be beaten down by whatever you face?  I can't be the only one who has gone into a situation, only to be beaten down, but maybe with a little help we can stop those "beatings".  I want you to see that each time you face a battle to have something by your side or have some sort of armor to protect you.  I mean even if you are wearing a loin cloth, you are at least not naked anymore.  You do not have to have every tool mastered or know every tool to have strength to face a battle today.  Many times, we see the battle as something that we cannot over come and we just accept defeat and we learn to further defeat ourselves.  However you have the strength inside of yo

Have you ever heard the phrase: "from the outside everything may look fine", or some other variation.  Many times I feel that people only see what they want to on the outside and not get to know the person you really are.  I know that times I really feel judged and like an outsider but once you get to know me your opinion may change.  However in today's society it is much easier to keep to yourself and not be put in situations where people may get to know you.  A lot of times when I am around certain groups of people, I immediately feel like I am being judged as the weird person or the quiet one.  Many times I have been told that I am too quite and for me that is a defense that I set up for myself.  I often times struggle with small talk and will just end up saying something really awkward...  It happens for often than not, even with people that I know.  Lord knows I hate it when that happens, I tend to think about it the rest of the day and kick myself for saying whatev

"I'll give you everything that I've got left, follow you down and give you my last breath".  ~ Gideon. Many times I struggle with self worth and thinking that I am not up to anyone's standards.  Recently an opportunity has presented itself to me and I can't seem to get out of my own way.  I feel as if I am not good enough to do this new challenge, I feel like I can't live up to the expectation that has been set forth.  I seem myself as less than everyone and that is a serious struggle for me and really is the cause of most of my depression and anxieties.  I often times when in a group setting, think that people are looking at me like I am weird or something to that effect.  I feel as if people see me in a different light than who I truly am.  Once you get to know me, I promise it is worth your time :).  I am an introvert who doesn't like crowds or speaking to new people, but lately I have been trying to push past those barriers.  I recently watched

Have you ever posted something on social media and you thought it was great, but you were ignored?  Have you scrolled down your feed to see someone else post something around the same topics and they get more attention than you do?  Hurts doesn't it...  Hurts to see the thing that you thought was important enough to share with the world, only to be over looked.  I post on this blog to help or at least try to help people who may be having a bad day or experiencing some of the same things that I face, but at times I doubt whether or not people just see another post on their social media and scroll right past it, that is fine with me honestly.  Maybe that day they didn't need to hear what I have to say.  However we often get caught up in what our internet persona perceives about us.  We often times say well I got over 100 likes on this post, so I must be popular.  I must post something that a lot of people like, however if you post something that gets over looked, how does that m

A lot of times it is difficult to write these blogs as I wonder what people think about me putting my struggles out there for everyone to read.  I often times feel judged, like for instance when I meet new people and friend me on facebook...  I often times think they will regret that action once they see a blog post.  I feel like me posting this kind of thing will drive more people away than help, but yet I continue regardless of the fact that my fear stands in my way.  I hate that I feel that my struggle will effect the friendships and family members around me.  I can't help but feel that way sadly.  You may be wondering... Well the title of this post has nothing to do with it so far, but I am getting there.  I feel that being transparent in how I feel, helps show people that others feel this way.  So now that you know where I stand at this current moment... Onward we go! I love seeing people happy, at time I get jealous of their happiness and think that it must be great to be

"I spent my time back then thinking of nothing but them.  The dead ends of my thoughts the last friends in my head.  And you heard me you heard me you heard me my friend.  Sent the ship over seas to save me from death.  Through the storms I have weathered through the dark and the rain.  You sent me the ship that I sail on today.  And the boat sails on like you sang in your song.  And my mind feels clearer several years on And the ship that was sailing on.  Those storm ridden seas.  Was my heart and your words gave me heart back to me My mind was a turbine that fueled all the storms,  And those words were the courage in which calmness took form.  Through the storms I have weathered.  Through the dark and the rain.  You sent me the ship that I sail on today.  And the boat sails on like you sang in your song. And my mind feels clearer several years on. And the ship that was sailing on. Those storm ridden seas. Was my heart and your words gave me heart back to me. I've foun

Have you ever driven by someone's home and noticed how nice their front yard is?  Often times everything appears to be in order and beautiful.  I was mowing the yard this weekend and thought about how often we see things from one side of the equation.  I put out some mulch and cleaned up the yard a little bit and saw an immediate improvement.  I was excited to see how nice it looked until I walked into the back yard...  Where all of the toys and other things reside.  While working on the back yard, I realized that often times I just neglect the back and think that well most people don't see it so why does it matter if I take the extra time to make it look nice.  My kids go back there and throw the toys around anyway so what difference does it make if I pick them up on a daily basis?  Can the same be said about you?  Do you present to the world this picture of a front yard that is put together and beautiful but in the back are you a mess?  Does your outward appearance project a

So I joined a kickball team....  Most of the people I had no idea who they were and they didn't know me at all.  So I went with it, one of my best friends convinced me that I should play because it would be fun.  I agree that I have really enjoyed being active in a team sport again, it has lifted the spirits a lot.  However I was speaking with someone last night and we were joking around and something was said that hit hard.  I wont repeat what was said but at that moment it hurt, but once I got to thinking about it, I took it as something I could grow from and not let the words bring me down.  I haven't put myself out there lately because I have felt that my anxiety and or depression makes me less than someone else.  My personality type is very introverted and it is really tough for me to handle large groups of people or new groups of people.  A lot of times I feel like the outsider and I feel like people are looking at me as the kid who doesn't talk and or the weird kid.

Dear OCD, I hate you.  I hate everything about OCD.  I have struggled with OCD for quite a while now, some almost 20 years.  I will never forget the day that I really started to recognize just exactly what it was and what I was doing.  I am a counter, I typically count to three or sets of three.  Wow...  Typing it out like that makes it seem even worse..  Oh well, here we go.  Strap on your seat belts because this is going to get somewhat bumpy.  When I started counting I did it as a way to cope with something.  I had anxiety, but I was too young to understand what it was and or how to stop it from happening.  However as counter intuitive as this may be, I used OCD to relieve that anxiety.  I used the counting and the rituals as a way to stop that anxiety from building up inside and it was a way for me to feel like I could get rid of it.  However OCD only builds anxiety...  SMH...  I thought that I was getting rid of the anxiety inducing actions/thoughts but in actuality I am just fee

Today is one of those days I guess.  I got up bright and early and went to my workout.  I felt good until I started the drive to work.  Lately it I have been letting my emotions get the best of me at work and I know it shows.  I have had a hard time biting my tongue as of late and have just said what I want, I know that is something that needs improving but I am taking it one step at a time.  Most of the time I try to be uplifting and positive but today is just one of those days that I feel down.  Not really sure why to be honest, but it is one of those days where I wish I could just stay home and not do much.  I just feel sad, not sad for anything in particular but just blue.  I know that these days come and go and luckily I have not had one in a long time.  But today is the exception to the rule I guess.  I know that a lot of times we tend to make up scenarios in our mind that play out and I think I have done just that.  Have you ever said something that you replay over and over aga

Time...  What a concept, if you think about it we cannot do anything to change it (aside from daylight savings time).  We are given a certain amount of time here on this earth and we do not know how long that will be for.  Recently my Mother was diagnosed with cancer.  It came as a shock to all of us, but one of the things that I have learned from this experience is that we need to cherish our time each and everyday.  I know that on a daily basis we face challenges and struggles that may hold us back, but my question to you is why would you want to give your time away to something that is minute. ( I say minute but it could seem like a mountain right now, but overall there is nothing that you face that you cannot overcome with a little help).  Every second that ticks off the clock is another moment gone, we cannot get that time back unless we invent time travel and then who the heck knows...  But the time we are given is so precious that we often times take it for granted.  We think t

Funny how some news can change the whole dynamic of what you thought you knew.  Many times we get news that is unexpected and it can shake us to our very core.  Learning how to move through that bit of news is probably one of the hardest things that we will face in our lives.  Many times there is plenty of support at the beginning but once the journey begins, the support tends to fade.  Most of the time people return to their normal lives (which they should) and you and yours are left to pick up the pieces of what is going on.  Those pieces can be difficult at times to pick up and put back in place, but they are never impossible to return to what once was a complete picture.  I know that the challenges that we face on a daily basis help shape us into who we are but damn is it tough.  We tend to never prepare enough for the "what ifs" in life and when they occur we are left in shambles.  Many times I think I am prepared for any bit of news that comes my way, but most recently

Eventually at some point in our lives we are faced with a situation that no one can ever expect.  It can range from various events but none the less we cannot be fully prepared for what may lie ahead.  At times I often wonder if what we go through in this life does not provide us a better eternity.  I'm not sure if those of you who are reading this believe in a higher being (whatever that may look like for you) but I often wonder if we are given certain situations that shape us into who we need to be for the future.  Recently my family received some news surrounding a family member that none of us were expecting.  However we must take it one step at a time, much like you who are reading this.  Whatever situation you face, you have to take it one step at a time.  We do not grow (traditionally) by leaps and bounds, but rather slow and steady.  I know at times it is tough to find that inner strength and courage to keep pressing forward, but in the end if we carry on we find that we a

Ah that word has appeared once again in this blog.  I know that people may be tired of hearing, "Oh you've just got to have hope that things will change".  That may be true but it takes a lot of practice to have the kind of hope that can change a circumstance.  Hope is one of those uphill battles that you may face on your day to day journey.  Now having hope does not mean that your journey is going to be easy, but having hope can give you the drive to keep going through whatever you face to become better.  If we have hope and or give hope to someone then you may change their course of their life forever.  You never know what impact you are going to have throughout the day when you see people.  For instance, you could have a friend or family member that may battle some of the same issues as you, try to lift their spirits some.  Make them smile, bring them a moment of joy that can't be replaced.  I know that the feeling of joy can be fleeting, but in the end you have m

Lately it has been a struggle to write something and try to be positive when I have my own demons I have been facing a lot lately.  Sometimes we can get stuck in our own ruts and it is hard to provide some positive outlook when you yourself are not doing so well.  I say not doing well, not in the sense that I am in a dark room hiding from everyone, but I was having panic attacks that until recently I have never had.  To be honest, they scared the shit out of me.  I hate every second of them and I knew that the cause of the panic was irrational and silly but in the end it is a tough task to convince yourself that you are going to be ok.  It is like telling someone who is in combat that the bullets wont hurt, it is tough to believe and even harder to work through.  The residual effects of those panic attacks can linger for days and once you have one, you are unfortunately bound to have another one, or the probability is higher for one.  For those of you who have never been through one,

Lately it has been a struggle for me to write.  I feel like I have hit a wall with writing this.  Most of the time I just question if this is even worth it.  I'm not looking for validation here, just getting out how I feel.  I think many times it is easier to just not do something than to push yourself to do it.  I wake up four days out of the week at 4:20 in the morning to go and work out.  However the actual drive to get up in the morning is not there.  As a matter of fact I dread going, but once I am done I feel great that I got up and completed what is set in front of me.  However let's look at that previous statement, I dread going.  I dread getting up in the morning and find it hard to come up with the motivation to keep going with it.  I feel so out of place with being there that I just keep those feelings in my heart and start to believe that I shouldn't be there.  I struggle everyday with trying to move forward with believing in myself.  I always put myself down a