Depression Can Happen

Lately it has been a struggle to write something and try to be positive when I have my own demons I have been facing a lot lately.  Sometimes we can get stuck in our own ruts and it is hard to provide some positive outlook when you yourself are not doing so well.  I say not doing well, not in the sense that I am in a dark room hiding from everyone, but I was having panic attacks that until recently I have never had.  To be honest, they scared the shit out of me.  I hate every second of them and I knew that the cause of the panic was irrational and silly but in the end it is a tough task to convince yourself that you are going to be ok.  It is like telling someone who is in combat that the bullets wont hurt, it is tough to believe and even harder to work through.  The residual effects of those panic attacks can linger for days and once you have one, you are unfortunately bound to have another one, or the probability is higher for one.  For those of you who have never been through one,

Lately it has been a struggle for me to write.  I feel like I have hit a wall with writing this.  Most of the time I just question if this is even worth it.  I'm not looking for validation here, just getting out how I feel.  I think many times it is easier to just not do something than to push yourself to do it.  I wake up four days out of the week at 4:20 in the morning to go and work out.  However the actual drive to get up in the morning is not there.  As a matter of fact I dread going, but once I am done I feel great that I got up and completed what is set in front of me.  However let's look at that previous statement, I dread going.  I dread getting up in the morning and find it hard to come up with the motivation to keep going with it.  I feel so out of place with being there that I just keep those feelings in my heart and start to believe that I shouldn't be there.  I struggle everyday with trying to move forward with believing in myself.  I always put myself down a