Struggle

Lately it has been a struggle for me to write.  I feel like I have hit a wall with writing this.  Most of the time I just question if this is even worth it.  I'm not looking for validation here, just getting out how I feel.  I think many times it is easier to just not do something than to push yourself to do it.  I wake up four days out of the week at 4:20 in the morning to go and work out.  However the actual drive to get up in the morning is not there.  As a matter of fact I dread going, but once I am done I feel great that I got up and completed what is set in front of me.  However let's look at that previous statement, I dread going.  I dread getting up in the morning and find it hard to come up with the motivation to keep going with it.  I feel so out of place with being there that I just keep those feelings in my heart and start to believe that I shouldn't be there.  I struggle everyday with trying to move forward with believing in myself.  I always put myself down and think that I am not good enough to do what I am doing.  I at times think it would just be easier to stay at home and never face what keeps me at bay.  I feel like I am just residing with the fact that I am not good enough.  I hate myself when I get into the gym, I hate that I let myself get out of shape and I dislike the fact that most of the other people there are in better shape than I am.  I feel judged and embarrassed each time I go, but at the end of the day I go.  I go to try and face the fact that we all have to start somewhere in life.  We all have to reach a point where we say that enough is enough and try to make something out of nothing.  Those feelings don't go away, they stay, but each day I go and face those thoughts is a victory for me.  I win, I face those demons and keep pressing on.  I know that a lot of times these feelings are just made up and are not true.  There are days where I don't go, like this morning.  I can throw out any excuse that I want at this point to try and validate me not going and facing those challenges that await.  It is easier to stay in bed and say that I will do it tomorrow.  However we are not promised tomorrow.  We are given today and we need to try and make the best of everything that we have.  Most people who have faced certain challenges grow from them.  They have new experience that allows them to create the tools to carry on.  We at times tend to forget that being complacent is just the cowards way out. 

For today, try to find some sort of motivation that can help you overcome something that you face.  Find the strength within yourself to push forward with what you face.  It will be a daily battle and at times we will fail.  But we shouldn't let that failure stand in our way.  Make a mends with yourself and learn to forgive yourself, we tend to forget what we have been through and what we have accomplished and just focus on the negative.  However if you look a little deeper you will see someone who has great courage and the ability to face anything that this world can throw at you.  Don't give up on the daily fight.  The daily fight will help shape you into the so called warrior that you were called to be.  I believe in us, I believe that we are better that what we tell ourselves.  Stand up and hold onto the fact that you are here and breathing and that my friends means you still have a purpose here on this planet.  Don't lose sight of who you want to be, because in the end we are only as good as we make ourselves out to be. 

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