Purpose

Lately it has been a struggle to write something and try to be positive when I have my own demons I have been facing a lot lately.  Sometimes we can get stuck in our own ruts and it is hard to provide some positive outlook when you yourself are not doing so well.  I say not doing well, not in the sense that I am in a dark room hiding from everyone, but I was having panic attacks that until recently I have never had.  To be honest, they scared the shit out of me.  I hate every second of them and I knew that the cause of the panic was irrational and silly but in the end it is a tough task to convince yourself that you are going to be ok.  It is like telling someone who is in combat that the bullets wont hurt, it is tough to believe and even harder to work through.  The residual effects of those panic attacks can linger for days and once you have one, you are unfortunately bound to have another one, or the probability is higher for one.  For those of you who have never been through one, great!  You are insanely lucky in that regard, however you may face some struggles that the rest of us do not.  But for me that was the single most difficult two weeks I've had lately.  I struggled everyday with the fear that I was some sort of monster and I became fearful of those thoughts but in the end, much like most mental illnesses it is miss firings of the neurons in your brain that are to blame.  However I do not feel like what I recently went through was all in vain, I do believe that there is a greater purpose attached to them.  For one they taught me to be stronger and to face what I feared.  I know that is a tough thing to do in the midst of a fight, but each day I would face that fear one more step forward than the day before.  I challenged myself to at least try to not let those feelings stand in my way of being happy and who I was.  I felt like a shell of myself and thought that this was the new me...  The new way of thinking and that I would be stuck like this forever.  But fear not, we can become more than what we think and feel.  Those daily fights and battles you face are shaping you into a warrior.  Your destiny is far greater that what you are facing right now.  You have the ability to lead that happy and successful life you seek.  You have the drive to look that fear in the face and try to overcome it. 

Take each day with a new attitude that you are on the right path to where you desire to be.  Strive to achieve what you previously thought was impossible.  Impossible is just a word, not a state of being.  Yes the meaning behind the word in strong, but you are stronger than that.  You have the strength of a great warrior in you that will help you overcome any battle you may face.  You are not alone in whatever fight you face today, there are countless people here for you and here to help you overcome those burdens you face on a daily basis.  Believe in tomorrow and stay steadfast with the hope that your future will be brighter than you past.

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