The good, the bad, and the ugly

Good morning everyone,  I wanted to focus today on the good, the bad and the ugly with depression and anxiety.  First let's start out with the ugly and get it out of the way, there are times through this journey that all hope may seem lost.  You may feel as if the world is against you and that nothing will ever take away the burden you feel.  Those days are the worst, thankfully I myself have not had too many days with the ugly, but if you have you know the feeling all too well.  The ugly can bring us down to our worst, it can feel as if the life is being sucked out of us.  It can leave us broken beyond repair- or what we believe is not repairable.  The ugly can consume you, it can make you change into a different person.  Many times I find myself not wanting to go out during the week because I am worried about not having enough time at home.  I think along those terms because I often do not look forward to the next day and by going out for dinner, etc really leaves me feeling anxious.  I feel as if I do not have enough time at home and feel like I have wasted the afternoon, but in all actuality I am wasting the afternoon by sitting at home in my comfort zone.  I feel safe when I am there and I let go of the hurts that I carry.  But when I am out all that I can focus on is what time are we leaving and how long do I have to sit up when we get home before the next day begins.  Now this may seem minor to some but for me it is part of my ugly.  My ugly prevents me from spending time with my friends, family and those who can lift me up.  I used to let the ugly win more times than not, but I have been working on getting out more in the evening after work and not fearing for what tomorrow may bring.  How does your ugly prevent you from doing what you wish to do?  What are some ways that you can limit the ugly days?  For me it is taking that first step and pushing aside the fear that I have about wasting my time.

The bad- The bad is not nearly as awful as the ugly, the bad for me is simply putting myself down and not thinking that I am good enough for anyone.  Now I will post on Facebook to someone's post and not get a response, my immediate thought is that they do not like me and they think my opinion is awful.  I feel ridiculous even saying that, but it is part of my bad.  I often times see someone on Facebook and compare myself to them and think- "oh well, it must be nice to have such and such"- but in all actuality I am just as blessed if not more than some of the people I am comparing myself too.  A lot of times we compare ourselves to someone who we think has it all and we strive to be like them.  We think that just because they are living this different life from ourselves, that it is better.  I mean don't get me wrong- winning the lottery would be amazing but I have already won the lottery with what I have in my life.  This bad is part of being a human though.  We tend to see things on the outside and wish that we had that, but deep down inside that person may have a whirl wind inside that we may not know about.  The feeling of not having many friends sometimes gets me down, but I know that this is just yet another figment of my imagination.  I feel left out a lot of times because I may or may not have a lot in common with the people I hang out with and I feel like an outsider to be honest.  But once again that is all part of my bad and I know that it is not true.

The good-  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My favorite part, the good-  Well let me start off by saying that my family have been great.  I look forward each and everyday waking up to their faces.  The love I have for my spouse is immense and ever growing.  My son helps me see the brighter things in life because he is not affected by all of the negative- the worst thing that happens to him right now is that he has to get put down for a nap- I miss nap time- side note- I think we should bring back nap time in the work place..... :)  Anyway- There have been more and more good days lately for myself, but I am actively working on the things that bring me down.  For instance, I am now focusing on the positives throughout the day, yes I know that there will be some bad things that happen but the good often times outweighs the bad.  I look forward to the time I get to spend with my family and I also love the time I get to just be myself.  I long for that time and it helps me settle down and re focus my mind and prepare for the next day.  I guess you can say that is my fear for the ugly- not getting that chance to unwind.  Hey look at that we are coming to some conclusions here.  But I love being supported by my family, they are the reason why I get up each and every day- I try to make the world a better place for them and all those around us.

For today, let's try to focus on the good.  What is your ugly?  What is your bad?  But most importantly what is your good?  Does your good outweigh the others?  Is there something that you can change to make sure that you have more good during the days?  Find what makes you the happiest and work towards that goal.  Smile at someone who you normally would not, relax when you normally would be high in the ugly and the bad.  Live a little- We are given some much time on this earth and we do not know what tomorrow may bring, but if we learn to embrace the good, we will start to get the most out of life.