From the outside

From the outside I appear to have all my ducks in a row, however on the inside there is a war that is raging.  A war between depression and anxiety and happiness.  For the most part the happiness wins out, but there are some days where you have to carry a fake persona to make it through.  On those days I simply do not want to have any interaction with anyone.  At times I want to curl up into a ball and just sleep and watch the world go by.  However now that I am typing everything down for the world to see, I feel some sense of relief.  I no longer have to keep those thoughts to myself and no longer have to carry the burden that I have created for myself.  I was listening to a song the other day and there was a lyric that really stood out to me and brought a lot of things to light: "the silent stand tall but usually hurt more"- Worthwhile.  That statement is true, most of the time you would have no idea of the struggles that person makes each and everyday.  The ones that normally do not say anything about the way they feel, typically are the ones that need help the most.  Maybe you are someone who needs to get your thoughts out?  Maybe you face these struggles each and everyday- but with those struggles we do not always have to put up a front that everything is OK.  If you open up to someone whom you trust it may begin to loosen the grip that depression and anxiety can have on your daily life.  A lot of times I find it hard to shut off my brain from thinking about situations that have occurred that day, but those events have already happened and there is nothing that I can do to go back and change what has happened.  The thing that I have to remind myself is that moving forward is what needs to happen, often I find myself saying- "sure move forward, you do not have to think about those things anymore", but a lot of times those thoughts win.  What are some ways that we can not focus on the negative events of the day and enjoy the positive events?  First we can try to limit the negative emotions from taking over our thought process.  Next is trying to focus on the positive things that have occurred recently.  If we try to fill our thought process with more successful thoughts, than maybe we can slow down the negative thoughts.  The negative thoughts may not end and bad things are going to happen, but it is what we do with those thoughts that helps define who we are and how we cope with them.  Once again we cannot change the past, but we can change our future.  Let's try to work towards bringing a brighter future into view, let's try to not put up a fake persona of who we are.  Let's work towards making our outward appearance mirror who we really are and not who we want to be.

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