Depression Can Happen

 Where to begin.....  On June 23rd of 2025 I lost my mother.  It was a heart breaking defining moment in my life.  Every time I open my eyes I relive that day over and over in my mind.  That Saturday we had such a great day, we went swimming with my kids at her pool.  She even got in the water, which she hadn't done for years due to her cancer treatments.  My aunt Robin was down for the weekend which made it all that much better.  We laughed, swam and enjoyed that brief moment in time that seems so small but holds such joy and heartbreak at the same time.  Everyday I am reminded of the fact that I wasn't there.  I wasn't there when she left this world, she was alone.   I received a call around 5 in the afternoon that Monday from a close family member who asked if I had heard from my mom that day, it wasn't unusual to not hear from her as she was busy at times.  She had texted me the day before asking if I needed her to wat...

 You know how fast life can change, over these past 15 months, I can honestly say that life has changed drastically.  These have been some of the hardest months I've ever faced.  I'm not sure what I did along the way to deserve this misfortune but here we are.  I realized that we were riding a high for so long that eventually the bottom had to fall out.  Well it did and it soaked everyone in its wake.  I look at pictures from that time frame and the pain I feel is immense.  Looking back at our happy smiling faces and not knowing what we would face in the future is heartbreaking.  If I could go back to the person I was 15 months ago and prepare him for the challenges ahead, I would in an instant.  But the story and show must roll on right?  Time doesn't stop for us even when we are going through all of the challenges we face on a daily basis.  We have lost family members, lost jobs, loss, loss loss loss loss loss.........  It se...

 As the title suggests, it's been a while huh?  Have you ever felt like you were less than what you really are?  I face this many times a day honestly...  Well hourly really...  I run into self defeat from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I fall asleep, I can't help it and I know it is a bunch of shit, but hey we are human right?  I have hit some snags recently that have caused me to revert back into a shell of who I was working hard to become.  Many times, I feel like I am not good enough for the people in my life, I replay the times that I have failed and let those outweigh what I could have done well or good during that day.  Most days I feel like my friends barely tolerate me and just keep me around for the memories we once shared. I know that things change with time and I have as well. It's tough to feel like this everyday and I know that these things are exaggerations built on by my anxiety and depression.  I know people get frus...

 Well here we are, back at it again.  I know that a lot of times in life, situations get hard.  You get down on yourself and feel like you are not enough.  I experience that quite often within my daily walk of life.  I know that most people out there doubt their abilities and dreams.  I know that a lot of times we have this brick wall that stares us in the face, daring us to try to move past it.  But what if we did move around the wall?  What would be on the other side of that wall?  Would it be another wall?  Would it be a place that you have always wanted to reach?  Well the answer to that could be difficult, sometimes we move past one wall and smack right into another one.  We often times get stuck where we are and accept that as the reality we live in.  I know that I have gained a lot of weight recently and when my daughter saw me going down a slip and slide - she yelled out "here comes a big boy!".  Admittedly I ...

 I hate therapy....  But I hate myself less because of it.  That's it, that's the post. Until next time!

 Did you know that the majority of suicides in the US are committed by men?  Growing up I never thought much about men having mental health issues.  But as I progressed in life I began to put the pieces together of my life and just how long I have been sufferings for with my own battles.  Too many times we are told (as men) to wipe the tears from your eyes...  Men don't cry...  I know that past generations have had different standards of dealing with mental health and the stigmas attached to them, however I am proud of my millennials and Gen Z's who are making mental issues a prominent topic of discussion.  Too many men and women walk around today struggling.  Struggling to get out of bed that morning, struggling to go to the job that they dislike.  Struggling while smiling so that they don't burden others with their issues.  How many people do you know if your life that are struggling?  If you knew all of the individuals that strug...

 Life:  We never fully get to where we want to be.  We always seem to want something more even in the best of circumstances.  As the events of the month have unfolded, I am reminded by just how lucky we are.  I often times get lost in the details in life and tend to fall behind by bogging myself down with minor details.  I know that times get tough for us, we often times find ourselves in situations where we may not see an end in sight.  But looking at the recent events that have happened in the world so far, I can comfortably say that if you are reading this, than you are quite lucky.  I do not know what you are going through and I am just a guy on the internet that is typing a bunch of nonsense, but I do know that life is what we make of it.  Often times when I feel down or feel like my dreams may never come to pass and the hope starts to leave, I listen to this (warning, if you are offended by language, then don't listen.):   Lit...

 Life...  With all the things that we face during the day, life can be a daunting task.  Every single day we face new challenges that want to break us.  We are faced with some odds that may seem like we will never be able to overcome them.  No matter who you are, everyone struggle and suffer...  But everyone always has a story to tell.  We have all had to go through something to be here today.  Life is a blessing each day that you wake up.  Think about it this way, someone did not make it through the day today...  Every second of every damn day someone passes away.  Someone did not make it to the next minute....  Do you think they would like to have the moments back that they lacked self esteem and did not accomplish what they wanted to do in this life?  I would imagine that they and everyone who fell before them would take just one more day to see what they can accomplish.  It is extremely easy to fall backwards in l...

 Well it has certainly been a while....  Almost a year, give or take a couple of months.  Over the last year, we as a society have been through hell and back, then back through hell and then back out, so on and so on.  It seems like this never ending cycle of bad things.  Many of you may still be in a lockdown situation, or if you live in America, never really went into one.  It was around March of 2020 that I decided that I didn't care anymore about my weight, that I was just going to eat whatever I wanted and didn't think about the consequences of putting in my mouth whatever kind of food I desired.  That is how I coped with the pandemic...  By eating my feelings.  Whenever I would see something bad or something bad would happen around me, it was as if I rewarded myself with a bad food....  At the time I could push out whatever bad thing happened for a short time because I was happy eating whatever I could.  At this rate, there wa...

When I was in college, I had dreams about going onto grad school.  I was in my last semester of my senior year, collecting letters of recommendation and trying to score high enough on the GRE to get into any school at that point.  However the more I tried to go down that road, the more self doubt I ended up with and it still haunts me today.  I have built a career over the past 11 years but I still feel like I need to go back to grad school to prove my worth.  My wife and I have this conversation a lot (sorry babe), that if I feel like it will help out the family then I should do it.  But then the thoughts of what occurred that senior year come flooding back.  I was at Francis Marion University and well...  it was senior year...  I may have skipped a couple of classes because I was lazy and wanted to sleep in, but I still had the drive to continue.  I went to one of my political science professors to ask for a letter because I had taken his ...

Well....  Still dealing with the Corona Virus.  Some of us are at home, while others are at work.  But regardless of where you are currently, what are you doing to make the best of your situation?  What is something that you can do to help distract yourself from all of the awful going around in the world today?  I know that it is tough because there are loved ones effected by the events going on all over the world, but what bright spot has happened in your life today?  Many times I lose sight of what is a bright spot in my day and I focus on the negative.  Everywhere I turn I see the negative, but the positive is following me like a dog.  It is always there and willing to show me what good life has to offer.  Recently I found out that a class mate from high school passed away.  Now I did not know him on a very personal level, but I have seen the pain that is left behind in the wake of the events that has happened.  I feel for his f...

Well here we are, most of us sitting in our homes due to the recent events (not me though...  I am at work).  As I was on social media I noticed that more and more people are banning together to help one another in this time of need.  But why do we wait until there is a pandemic among us to start to matter to others.  We live our lives in a bubble for most of the time and then all of a sudden when the world needs us, we miraculously jump into saving mode.  My question for today is why not try to matter to someone each and everyday?  Why not try to be an uplifting spark to someone that you know is struggling.  I scroll through endless amounts of stuff on social media and I see people who want to be there for you regardless of the situation get pushed to the side.  I find it hard to believe that we as a population are that self centered, but I am proved wrong each and everyday.  I understand that people have their own cares in this life and th...

Lately it has been raining and cold where I am, for many of you there could be snow on the ground.  But honestly I love that kind of weather so it doesn't bother me :)  However for many of us, when the skies are gray it brings a season of depression that envelopes us and wont let go.  We find it hard to get out and enjoy the things that you once loved, it at times can feel like you are in a box and can't find your way out.  Now I know that sounds like just about everything else you have heard when it comes to the topics...  But I promise I am going somewhere with it.  One time my family and I went to visit our family for Christmas.  We were there when one of the worst snow storms hit that area.  My poor wife....  That was her first trip up north to see my family and we were stuck inside the house with 36 inches of snow and 60 mph winds...  Gotta love winter :)  We would stand there and watch people trying to figure out how to get o...

Isn't it funny how a piece of metal and keep a ship in place?  Think about that for a second, a little piece of metal that falls to the bottom of the sea can keep a vessel that weighs so much more than the anchor, stuck in it's tracks.  We often times throw our own anchors out to the world.  We throw out various anchors that we have constructed that keep us down and wont let us move forward in our lives.  How many times have you felt that you are moving towards a goal at a snail's pace?  Is it because you let the anchor down?  Is that anchor fear? Self doubt? Or another insecurity that we hold onto?  I'm going say something that you may turn a blind eye towards and that is: Let go.  Let go of the anchor that weighs us down and stops us from moving forward.  We only hurt ourselves when we don't allow ourselves to grow in time.  We are designed to learn and grow in this world but many times we just stay stagnant because we have the anchor...

Many times I wonder what I can write about that would be uplifting to someone who battles the same things that I do.  A lot of times I want to repeat what I have already written and it is tough coming up with something new to say.  I feel like a lot of times we always hear "oh be a man" or "You'll be fine".  But a lot of times it is tougher than expected to do what others give you advice about.  I find that mental health in individuals who has anxiety and depression is important to me and I don't want you to just "be a man" or "you'll be ok", I truly want you to be ok with who you are and what this journey has taught you.  I was recently trying to explain what anxiety was to me and I found it tough.  I found it tough to express what exactly it is that I feel on a given day.  It was a struggle to explain the emotions that I feel when I have entered into a public place or am put into a situation where I know that I have to face my demo...

"Wherever you go, go with all of your heart".  I know that we all struggle from time to time with our battles, and a lot of times giving up may cross your mind.  But I am here to tell you that you matter and that the world is much better with you here.  You are important to more people than you think.  Just because you may not be in a certain point in your life, does not mean that it has lost it's value.  Often times we take time for granted and just assume that we have plenty of it left.  However we never know when our time is up, so why not make the most of what you have left?  I know that it is a struggle and I know that we all face giants that others may not, but PLEASE know that whatever battle you are facing, you have the power to overcome it.  Face it one step at a time and keep shining on.  You have the qualities that this world needs and you have the spark that someone in this world needs.  You have the words that someone needs...

Ah blind spots....  I guess you can tell where this post is headed huh?  How many times have you been driving down the road and were about to switch lanes only to realize that someone was next to you.  You couldn't see them because they were in your blind spot.  Many times we walk through life with our own blinders on.  We automatically put them on when we are in a state of depression or anxiety.  We tend to forget what is around us and focus solely on the negative that is in front of us.  There is a whole world going on around us but all that we can see if what is in front of us.  We set ourselves up for defeat not knowing the hope and goodness around us.  When we focus on the negative that we see, we tend to forget that the world is not linear.  We have infinite possibilities in this life and we walk a path that leads to self doubt and destruction.  Why not try to take those blinders off and see the world for what it can be, it c...

Have you ever watched a show that has shown a ship wreck?  I think that the most common ship wreck that is shown would be the titanic.  At the time, the titanic was the biggest ship to set sail and no one thought that it would sink. But it did just that, it sunk.  The structural integrity of the ship was compromised and as a result the largest ship (at the time) met a fateful exit.  Now we have the ability to go down and search the ruins of all of the ship wrecks that have occurred over the many many years.  Everyone seems to think that the larger the better, but as we have seen a lot of times it is the small and courageous that persevere.  However when you look at a harbor, it is the small tug boats bringing in the bigger ships because those tug boats can navigate through the harbor better than the larger ships.  I give you this boring lessons on ships to prove a point.  Yes a lot of times we feel that our tiny mentality cannot amount to anythin...

*Insert multiple quotes from the movie The Mask*...   Have you gone around lately wearing a mask that hides how you really feel?  Many times we can go around and tell people that we are fine, but deep down you know that you are anything but fine.  Most of the time we are actually battling something that may seem impossible to overcome at the time.  Often times I find myself saying that I am fine because I don't want to dredge up what I am feeling and I just honestly want to be left alone with my emotions.  I know that may sound childish, but sometimes our child wins *shrugs*.  A lot of times we can put on a different "mask" for how we feel, or how we want the world to see how we feel.  We often times have to act like we are doing well to keep up the appearance for others around us.  However hiding that emotion is only hurting you more than helping.  Yes we can hide behind a mask that we create, but in the end you will never grow from...

Today I had the experience with meeting someone who was not in the greatest of situations. They were telling me all of the events that have lead them to the point where they are now and how they just gave up. I was asking some questions and we were able to talk a little more in depth and we were able to have a candid conversation. However at the end of our conversation I was told by the individual that they are still blessed. After all of the situations that lead that person to me and all of the hardships, they still said they were blessed. That struck me because here I am thinking about the troubles that I face on a daily basis and here is a person who is in a far worse situation and are still smiling and are saying how much they have in this life. A lot of times I forget just how lucky I really am in life. I have family and friends who care for me and I have a roof over my head. Those blessing I tend to take for granted because they have always been there. But we can also learn that...