Pandemic Weight Gain??????

 Well it has certainly been a while....  Almost a year, give or take a couple of months.  Over the last year, we as a society have been through hell and back, then back through hell and then back out, so on and so on.  It seems like this never ending cycle of bad things.  Many of you may still be in a lockdown situation, or if you live in America, never really went into one.  It was around March of 2020 that I decided that I didn't care anymore about my weight, that I was just going to eat whatever I wanted and didn't think about the consequences of putting in my mouth whatever kind of food I desired.  That is how I coped with the pandemic...  By eating my feelings.  Whenever I would see something bad or something bad would happen around me, it was as if I rewarded myself with a bad food....  At the time I could push out whatever bad thing happened for a short time because I was happy eating whatever I could.  At this rate, there wasn't much that set me apart mentally from the individuals who you see on my 600lb life.  My wife and I enjoy watching that show because we like seeing people overcome one of the biggest challenges that they could ever face.  Many times those individuals have had traumatic events that have lead to their current situation.  They too found peace in food.  I guess I understand the science behind it, you see something that you want and you go for it.  It makes you happy for that short time, in other words, your brain releases endorphins that have an effect on your mood.   So now that I have gained all the weight I lost to begin with, I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror or in pictures.  All I see is this six chined monster of who I have become.  I hate(hated) myself for letting my emotions get the best of me and for how far I have fallen off the proverbial wagon.  I've got the ultimate dad bod going on right now.  My wife and I try to make light of the situation with jokes, but still deep down inside no matter how much I laugh at the current situation it still doesn't make up for the fact that I am back to my heaviest weight.  I've tried to diet several times and yea that lasts for about a week or so and then I am back to eating all of the ice cream...  Yes all of the ice cream, I just picture myself in a store surrounded by empty containers of ice cream.  So you might be asking, well why don't you do something about it?  Why just post on here and complain about a "sob" story about how you've gained weight.  

Well the answer to those questions are easy.  I am doing my best to accept who I am currently because, yes it may not reflect who I want to be, but since I am where I am now, I am not ashamed of who I have become.  As a matter of fact, I have felt myself become more at peace because I have finally started to see the real me and not what I think others see me as.  People can look at me and think: "oh he likes McDonald's and other fast food"...  Truth is, yea I love that stuff, a lot.  But I also know that their opinion of me won't change who I am.  I am who I am because of how time has shaped me, not food.  I may not be the fittest person in the world, and I may make food mistakes everyday, but I am trying.  One step at a time is all we can do.  No matter if they are baby steps or full blown steps.  But the moral of the story that I am trying to get to before I ramble on, is love yourself for who you are.  You are unique and your body image is just that, an image.  But what others see goes far beyond what you make up in your mind.  Yes people can be cruel and actually say hurtful things to you, but forget them (I really wanted to insert a word that I shouldn't have there...  I'll let you fill that void).  Be who you are, I promise that those who truly get to know you will love you for who you are and not by what you look like.  It doesn't come as a shock if you have been reading this that I am a huge metal fan.  Many times people look at those individuals who like that type of music as evil or that they have something wrong with them, but in all actuality most individuals who I have met that enjoy that music, are extremely nice and friendly and will stop at nothing to help you.  So don't judge a book by it's cover, because underneath that cover, is something truly amazing.  Love yourself for who you are and not by what you look like.  Don't lose sight of who you are because others tell you differently.  I'm proud of all of you.  I'm proud of the person you are and the person you are trying to become.  Now with that being said, if you see others going through the same struggle as you, help lift them up.  Together we can achieve anything in this world.  Well, I'm off to eat ice cream I guess....  :)

Thicc Boy out!

Until next time....